Peace at Home?
The 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence run from 25th November to 10th December. Here, the Anglican Alliance’s Director for Gender Justice, Mandy Marshall, discusses gender-based violence in the home and church, and why ending it is a gospel imperative.
Church Cultures
There is a myth in many Christian settings that because we are Christians, we have peaceful homes – and that there is certainly no violence or abuse going on. When we go to church on Sundays there is often cultural pressure to appear the perfect family, to put on our ‘Sunday face’ and respond ‘I’m fine’ or ‘all is good’ when asked how we are.
But how do all these hidden cultural norms and expectations compare to the reality of what is going on inside our homes?
We are, perhaps, now familiar with the global statistics that one in three women will experience abuse in her lifetime. That means abuse is happening in our communities, in our churches and in some of our homes. Yet how often is it spoken about in those places? How often have you heard a sermon include issues of abuse or address domestic abuse? Often it is dismissed as being too difficult or not appropriate for a Sunday sermon. We perhaps forget, however, that children are hugely impacted by abuse in the home, domestic abuse, and that they often know what is going on even when attempts are made to hide it. Children, after all, are very perceptive.
Addressing domestic abuse matters
This is why addressing domestic abuse matters. It impacts everyone, inside and outside the home. It destroys individuals, families, communities and churches. It is a nasty, hidden ‘virus’ that spreads and kills, maims, and brings destruction. It is a global pandemic which we shy away from addressing, often out of fear, maybe out of not knowing what to do. Or, perhaps, if you are the one abusing, you simply believe the lie that the power and control you have is better than the love and freedom that Christ brings.
Push back
Over the last year I have been asked several times, “haven’t we achieved equality between women and men yet?” and even, “hasn’t it gone too far?” The reality is almost the opposite. We are clinging onto the hard-won rights of women which are human rights, by our fingertips, and we are seeing a slow regression and undermining of rights in a variety of countries around the world. Who would have thought that bringing back Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) would be on the agenda in one country, for example? In many places, we are seeing men pushing back, not comfortable with women’s empowerment.
At a recent conference, people still laughed when I suggested that men needed to do an equal share of the household management and perhaps cook, clean and take care of the children. But if we are to see equality in all areas of life there has to be a renegotiation of what happens inside the home. After all, peace in the home means that the family is more likely to be happy and build one another up. That cannot happen when one partner is completely exhausted from doing everything to keep the home running. Putting individuals in cultural boxes and expecting them to do x, y or z, is not only unhelpful and a hindrance to flourishing, it can also be abuse. Coercive and controlling behaviour is abuse.
Why addressing gender-based violence is important to the Anglican Alliance
Preventing and ending GBV is a key concern for the Anglican Alliance as gender-based violence fundamentally undermines and hinders progress to achieving peace, development and all the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs). Inequality between women and men is both a cause and a consequence of gender-based violence. Seeing another human being as less than equal to yourself can result in abuse. And abuse at home means that the person, often a woman, cannot reach their full potential in life. gender-based violence is an afront to the gospel of Christ. So, it is important the Anglican Alliance addresses this through each area of work, whether Agents of Change, Communion Forest, Theology, Disaster Response and Resilience, Ecumenical relations and directly through the focus on gender justice.
In my role as Director for Gender Justice at the Anglican Alliance, a key focus is building and supporting healthy relationships to ensure that every individual can realise their full potential in life. In essence, to be all that God created them to be. A key question to keep constantly in mind is “How is what I am doing affecting relationships?”. This means considering how our attitude and actions impact on our relationship with God, each other, ourselves and the environment. Are we bringing people closer to God by our attitude, behaviours and actions, or are we diminishing others or destroying others by what we think and do? We need to remember that abuse is a choice. Jesus died to give us a choice – to follow him or not. We should not try to control what other people do. Love offers us a choice.
Jesus’s call is to love one another as he loved us. How do we do that in our everyday lives?
Glimmers of Light
It’s not all doom and gloom, there are glimmers of light. Bishop Shourabh of Bangladesh recently held training for his clergy on the importance of being aware of abuse and ensuring that it is dealt with appropriately. Bishop Rose Okeno in Kenya has held marches highlighting the abuse of women. She has held days for teenage mothers who have often been ostracised, some of them victims of rape and left holding the baby. Many have been abused by ‘uncles’, with their families covering up the so-called shame; the shame, of course, belongs to the perpetrator of abuse. There is the continued work of Revd Bisoke in the DRC who works with women survivors of sexual abuse and offers them a place to be accepted and not outcast. There is the continued work of the Mothers’ Union in Burundi who, thanks to their literacy programme for women, have seen a reduction in GBV over the last twenty years.
These are glimmers of light in the darkness – but those lights shine brightly and give us hope for a better future.
What you and your church can do
- Firstly, speak up about domestic abuse. Don’t be silent. Speak about it in sermons and have key contact people, who people can talk with, and make sure their contact details are displayed clearly in your church. This is sometimes the safeguarding officer.
- Discuss the theology of the equality of women and men as made in the image of God. Remember the word helper (‘ezer’ in the original Greek which means side by side) was used of God in the Old Testament and God is not ‘weaker’ or there solely to serve our needs. We are called and made to serve together.
- Offer training on how to spot and prevent domestic abuse. Learn how to identify the signs of abuse and don’t ignore it.
- Support women and men who have been abused. Help them practically.
- Men – if you hear another man putting his wife down in any way challenge him about it. Tell him it’s not acceptable. The same goes for making sexist comments or making ‘jokes’ about women that are degrading.
- All of us can look at our own attitudes and actions towards one another and think what needs to change in me? Discipleship is a lifelong journey of being more Christlike. Are we truly brave enough to look and admit where we still need to grow into the likeness of Christ?
- Download and read the ‘Domestic Abuse and COVID-19: How Churches Can Respond’ and ‘God’s Justice: Theology and GBV’ resources to learn more about the issue and what you can do. These resources are available in many languages.
- Download and read the four resources produced by the Safe Church Commission:
- How To Start guide,
- Preventing harm and abuse,
- Responding well when abuse is disclosed, and
- Dealing with allegations of abuse
- Join in the webinar ‘Peace at Home: how addressing domestic abuse is key for wider peace’ hosted by five Anglican networks on Dec 10th, Human Rights Day. Register here. (See poster below).
- Use the 16 days of activism to end gender-based violence (25th Nov to Dec 10th) to highlight the issue of domestic abuse and have a zero-tolerance policy on it in your church and home.
Domestic abuse is a solvable issue. Together we can end it.
Mandy Marshall
Director for Gender Justice
